My first up-close experience with someone dying was in February of 2020. My BFFs other BFF/friend of mine was dying from ovarian cancer. My BFF was coordinating the vigil and there was no one else to stay with her one night and I was asked. I was available, so I stayed - even though I wqs a little uncomfortable, I knew that I didn't want her to be alone. I had somewhere I had to be the next morning and she took her last breath just a few hours after I left. 

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My second experience was with my grandma and also where I got elder care experience. I took over full-time 24/7 caregiving for my grandma with dementia on her 92nd birthday in December of 2020. I was by her side when she took her last breath exactly 13 months later. Dementia is cruel and heartbreaking and I learned a lot - especially that I can remain calm and at peace in the same room as death. 

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In September of 2022, I became a crisis responder for the City of Phoenix. I have been called to dozens of residences to console and provide resources to the survivors after someone has passed away unexpectdely at home. We respond to other types of crises, too, like fires, but I was always drawn to the grief calls - as weird as that sounds to me.

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December 29, 2023, I got word that my bonus mom was transitioning. She had been treated for stomach cancer for three and a half years and her spirit and body were done fighting it. I left work early, went home and packed a bag knowing I would stay until her body completely shut down, and headed to her hospice facility. It was there, from one of the nurses, that I learned about being an end-of-life doula as a profession. My stepmom passed away on New Year's Eve 2023, after being in her sleep coma for three days.

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These two experiences with family members taught me a few things. First, making decisions for another adult that isn't capable of communicating their wishes either due to diminished mental capacity or physical ability is entirely painful. I certainly wish I had gotten to my grandma earlier and knew what questions to ask. Also, my stepmom didn't have a lot of money or accounts to close, but having passwords and other information would have made things easier to handle in the midst of also grieving our incredible loss.

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After living through these experiences and now knowing what I learned in my training, I believe that we can do death better. The current death rate stands at a solid 100% - minus that one guy. (wink)  Death is going to happen to all of us and yet it stands in America as one of the top two fears. With medical advances and people living longer than ever before, dying has become a sterile, removed medical process that people don't want to think about or feel they don't have to think about because they assume that it's a far-off event. Most people take for granted the life they get to live now and forget that we don't know what tomorrow will bring. I want to set folks up for a better death and that starts with planning. I want to support the elderly and their loved ones to be able to live the rest of their lives on their terms, as long as it can be done safely. And finally, when a terminal diagnosis is given or time is just running out, I want to provide holisitic support to the dying and their loved ones to bring about the best end-of-life possible, prioritizing what matters most to each patient physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It's never too early to invite a doula into supporting you through a terminal diagnosis. I would be honored to walk by your side through the hardest of times.